The Last Crack
It was a time when I was forgetting how shitty my life was, and felt my real self getting a chance to stick it’s head out into the sunshine and breathe a little. It was the last time my real self surfaced before going under for good. Before the pavement and concrete poured over the top became completely impenetrable to the daisy of the human spirit. Of my spirit. Of me.
That last crack unfilled happened in Detroit, Michigan, in a new building complex called The Renaissance Center. Very futuristic, and a place my family would never have gone. It was downtown, for one, and fancy, for another. But I can’t tell you the story very well; it’s a weak spot of mine. I don’t follow storylines well at all, and just constantly veer off track into the weeds on either side. I can, however go there. So that’s what I’ll do.
***
I am smiling and there is nobody around me who hates me. Nobody is mean in the group I’m with, which is my teacher for the gifted class and my fellow five classmates. It’s not exactly a class, more like a Brownie troop kind of thing where we do activities sometimes, except we happen to meet during school hours. Twice a week, for like half a day or a few hours. It is kind of weird, because there are just like a few of us in the school who do this, so everyone wonders what is going on and why we are leaving regular class to go to our “special class.” We don’t really know what to say about it, either. What do you say? I don’t exactly get it, which makes it all seem kind of stupid and probably not worth it. Because it seems like I just get more work to do, so why go? I don’t know. I can tell they mean well, but I think they just don’t know what is going on, either. It is the first year they have ever had a program like this. There are two teachers doing it, and they seem to think we are definitely different in some way. I wouldn’t exactly say scared of us, but it is a weird dynamic. Mrs. Dudzik is the only one here today, though. She is really having a good time, I can tell. She likes us, and is really pretty nice. The other one, she’s stupid and mean. She doesn’t like us, I can tell. She should not be doing this job.
Mrs. Dudzik doesn’t know what she’s doing, either, but she tries really hard. And her frustration more would make her sad, not mad.
We are going up the escalator right now. It’s amazing in here. Like a whole Jetsons city with all these levels an walkways and stuff. And these little pod areas where you can sit. I want to get over to one of those eventually. There’s like a mall in here, sort of. And a food court where we’re going to eat lunch, I’m pretty sure. My mom gave me five dollars for lunch. I wonder what I’ll get.
We are on our way up now to go to the top of the middle building, which is very tall and has a restaurant on the top that rotates around in a circle. Mrs. Dudzik let us run up the down escalator and down the up escalators. Can you believe that? It blew my mind. Nick would never never never let something like that happen. If he knew what I was doing, cracking up and going the wrong way on an escalator in a fancy building, he would probably shoot me. It drives him to the edge if I am not worried or scared.
Life is easy right now, in this building with these people. Even though these aren’t my real friends. I guess being so far from home down here makes that not matter so much. Me and Andy have been joking around pretty good. And it’s not like I feel like I have to pair up with a buddy with these guys anyway. I don’t know; it’s just different somehow.
I am wearing jeans and tennis shoes. My shoes are pretty ratty when you compare them to this place. I did wear a good shirt since we were sort of having this field trip. My mom thought I should, but the truth is that she doesn’t know how to dress fancy, anyway. She doesn’t know how to do it, so I guess I don’t either. But Mrs. Dudzik seems okay with what I’m wearing. Paula is all dressed up, wearing an actual dress and stuff. Andy looks like a slob like he always does, except he has a tie on over his t-shirt. Linda is just Linda, wearing the same white kind of blouse and blue stretch pants she always does, too. We are all dressed like usual, I guess, except Paula who is like a little girl in all that pink. It’s not even the kind of dress-up dress I would wear if I was going to buy one; she looks like a little kid at a birthday party. Her parents are weird. They are always together and pick her up an drop her off at the school door everyday. And she is in 5th grade. It is weird. And her dad has this weird hair piled up that looks like one of those Russian hats, but is just his hair.
I guess I shouldn’t talk. I have Nick who wears leather jackets and motorcycle boots and chains around. He is an embarrassment. People can feel his meanness. My friends don’t even like to come over my house. Ever. Lana has said she just won’t every because Nick is too scary. Sandy still will sometimes, but she is boring and also used to adults who want to be ignored. I could never have a birthday party or anything like that. Or a sleepover. Give me a break. He is just too mean and too volcano-ish to ever risk something like that.
That last crack unfilled happened in Detroit, Michigan, in a new building complex called The Renaissance Center. Very futuristic, and a place my family would never have gone. It was downtown, for one, and fancy, for another. But I can’t tell you the story very well; it’s a weak spot of mine. I don’t follow storylines well at all, and just constantly veer off track into the weeds on either side. I can, however go there. So that’s what I’ll do.
***
I am smiling and there is nobody around me who hates me. Nobody is mean in the group I’m with, which is my teacher for the gifted class and my fellow five classmates. It’s not exactly a class, more like a Brownie troop kind of thing where we do activities sometimes, except we happen to meet during school hours. Twice a week, for like half a day or a few hours. It is kind of weird, because there are just like a few of us in the school who do this, so everyone wonders what is going on and why we are leaving regular class to go to our “special class.” We don’t really know what to say about it, either. What do you say? I don’t exactly get it, which makes it all seem kind of stupid and probably not worth it. Because it seems like I just get more work to do, so why go? I don’t know. I can tell they mean well, but I think they just don’t know what is going on, either. It is the first year they have ever had a program like this. There are two teachers doing it, and they seem to think we are definitely different in some way. I wouldn’t exactly say scared of us, but it is a weird dynamic. Mrs. Dudzik is the only one here today, though. She is really having a good time, I can tell. She likes us, and is really pretty nice. The other one, she’s stupid and mean. She doesn’t like us, I can tell. She should not be doing this job.
Mrs. Dudzik doesn’t know what she’s doing, either, but she tries really hard. And her frustration more would make her sad, not mad.
We are going up the escalator right now. It’s amazing in here. Like a whole Jetsons city with all these levels an walkways and stuff. And these little pod areas where you can sit. I want to get over to one of those eventually. There’s like a mall in here, sort of. And a food court where we’re going to eat lunch, I’m pretty sure. My mom gave me five dollars for lunch. I wonder what I’ll get.
We are on our way up now to go to the top of the middle building, which is very tall and has a restaurant on the top that rotates around in a circle. Mrs. Dudzik let us run up the down escalator and down the up escalators. Can you believe that? It blew my mind. Nick would never never never let something like that happen. If he knew what I was doing, cracking up and going the wrong way on an escalator in a fancy building, he would probably shoot me. It drives him to the edge if I am not worried or scared.
Life is easy right now, in this building with these people. Even though these aren’t my real friends. I guess being so far from home down here makes that not matter so much. Me and Andy have been joking around pretty good. And it’s not like I feel like I have to pair up with a buddy with these guys anyway. I don’t know; it’s just different somehow.
I am wearing jeans and tennis shoes. My shoes are pretty ratty when you compare them to this place. I did wear a good shirt since we were sort of having this field trip. My mom thought I should, but the truth is that she doesn’t know how to dress fancy, anyway. She doesn’t know how to do it, so I guess I don’t either. But Mrs. Dudzik seems okay with what I’m wearing. Paula is all dressed up, wearing an actual dress and stuff. Andy looks like a slob like he always does, except he has a tie on over his t-shirt. Linda is just Linda, wearing the same white kind of blouse and blue stretch pants she always does, too. We are all dressed like usual, I guess, except Paula who is like a little girl in all that pink. It’s not even the kind of dress-up dress I would wear if I was going to buy one; she looks like a little kid at a birthday party. Her parents are weird. They are always together and pick her up an drop her off at the school door everyday. And she is in 5th grade. It is weird. And her dad has this weird hair piled up that looks like one of those Russian hats, but is just his hair.
I guess I shouldn’t talk. I have Nick who wears leather jackets and motorcycle boots and chains around. He is an embarrassment. People can feel his meanness. My friends don’t even like to come over my house. Ever. Lana has said she just won’t every because Nick is too scary. Sandy still will sometimes, but she is boring and also used to adults who want to be ignored. I could never have a birthday party or anything like that. Or a sleepover. Give me a break. He is just too mean and too volcano-ish to ever risk something like that.
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